Natural Blogarithms

written by SplineGuy

I was finally catching up on some blog reading today (Yes, I should be finishing the grading of my Differential Equations tests, but I was kind of cranky this morning for no apparent reason. I’m sure my students would prefer me to be in a good mood before I start grading)

While reading the Carnival of Mathematics over at Walking Randomly, I was pointed in the direction of "Murphy’s Laws for Mathematics".  I’m sure just about everyone knows the fundamental principle called Murphy’s Law:

Murphy’s Law: If anything can go wrong, it will.

Corollary 1: At the worst possible time

Corollary 2: Causing the most damage

Over at the site, Murphy’s Laws and Mathematics, we see how that works itself out in a mathematics course.  Here are a few of my favorites:

• Every problem is harder than it looks and takes longer than you expected.
• Notes you understood perfectly in class transform themselves into hieroglyphics at home.
• The answers you need aren’t in the back of the book.
• No matter how much you study for exams, it will never be enough.
• The problems you can work are never put on the exam.
• The problems you are certain won’t be on the test will be.
• The answer to the problem you couldn’t work on the exam will become obvious after you hand in your paper.

This page was linked to over at 360 and I found his additions worth quoting as well:

• That brilliant insight to the problem you’ve been working on for weeks will disappear the moment you find some paper to write it down.
• The set of GREAT exam questions from a teacher perspective and the set of GREAT exam questions from a student perspective are nearly disjoint.
• If you wait until the last minute to print/photocopy something, the printer/copier will most surely break down.

Now that I am using Office Live to store my PowerPoint slides for my Intermediate Algebra course and also teaching an online Algebra course as well, I have a  technological addition:

• Any online tool essential for your curriculum will be unavailable from 30 minutes before class or an online exam, until roughly 2 seconds after other arrangements have been made.

HT: 360

written by SplineGuy

Originally from ThinkGeek

written by SplineGuy

Heisenberg is pulled over for speeding:
“Do you know how fast you were going?” the police officer asks, incredulously.
“No,” replies Heisenberg, “but I know exactly where I am!”

written by SplineGuy

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
______________________________

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
_____________________________

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item
that she doesn’t need.
_____________________________

GENERAL EQUATIONS &
STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
_____________________________

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand
her at all.
______________________________

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more
willing to die.
______________________________

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.
_____________________________

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the
beginning of a new argument.

written by SplineGuy

This won’t cut it:

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written by SplineGuy

I’ve posted a few like this before, but I was hit with a couple new ones today in my Inbox. Thanks LB and jonboy for sending them my way:

written by SplineGuy

One of my students in Linear Algebra reminded me of quote I had heard some time back concerning the pecking order of the sciences. The version he quoted was what he had heard from a colleague of mine here at Wayland:

All chemists want to be physicists.
All physicists want to be mathematicians.

Although, I couldn’t recall it at the time. I looked it up and found the two forms of this quote I have heard before:

Biologists answer only to Chemists.
Chemists answer only to Physicists.
Physicists answer only to Mathematicians.
Mathematicians answer only to God.

or

The biologist wants to be a chemist.
The chemist wants to be a physicist.
The physicist wants to be God.
God wants to be a mathematician.

No, I do not have a God complex. But who could blame me. I am a mathematician.

written by SplineGuy

Here are some more that I even use more frequently than in the last entry. All of these come from Dick Wood, in the November ‘98 edition of The Mathematics Teacher.  (I have to say my favorite is the Proof by Accident.)

Proof by Obviousness: “The proof is so clear that it need not be mentioned.”
Proof by General Agreement: “All in Favor?…”

Proof by Imagination: “Well, We’ll pretend its true.”
Proof by Convenience: “It would be very nice if it were true, so …”

Proof by Necessity: “It had better be true or the whole structure of mathematics would crumble to the ground.”
Proof by Plausibility: “It sounds good so it must be true.”

Proof by Lack of Sufficient Time: “Because of the time constraint, I’ll leave the proof to you.”
Proof by Postponement: “The proof for this is so long and arduous, so it is given in the appendix.”

Proof by Accident: “Hey, what have we here?”

Proof by Insignificance: “Who really cares anyway?”
Proof by Mumbo-Jumbo: ” For any epsilon> 0 there exists a corresponding delta > 0 s.t. f(x)-L < epsilon whenever x-a < delta”

Proof by Profanity: (example omitted)
Proof by Definition: “We’ll define it to be true.”

Proof by Tautology: “It’s true because it’s true.”
Proof by Plagiarism: “As we see on page 238 …”

Proof by Lost Reference: “I know I saw this somewhere …”
Proof by Calculus: “This proof requires calculus, so we’ll skip it.”

Proof by Terror: When intimidation fails …
Proof by Lack of Interest: “Does anyone really want to see this?”

Proof by Illegibility: ” ¥ ª Ð Þ þæ”
Proof by Logic: “If it is on the problem sheet, then it must be true.”

Proof by Majority Rule: Only to be used if General Agreement is impossible.
Proof by Clever Variable Choice: “Let A be the number such that this proof works.”

Proof by Tessellation: “This proof is just the same as the last.”
Proof by Divine Word: “And the Lord said, ‘Let it be true,’ and it came to pass.”

Proof by Stubbornness: “I don’t care what you say! It is true!”
Proof by Simplification: “This proof reduces to the statement, 1 + 1 = 2.”

Proof by Hasty Generalization: “Well, it works for 17, so it works for all reals.”
Proof by Deception: “Now everyone turn their backs …”

Proof by Supplication: “Oh please, let it be true.”
Proof by Poor Analogy: “Well, it’s just like …”

Proof by Avoidance: Limit of Proof by Postponement as t approaches infinity.
Proof by Design: “If it’s not true in today’s math, invent a new system in which it is.”

Proof by Intuition: “I just have this gut feeling …”
Proof by Vigorous Assertion: “And I REALLY MEAN THAT!”

Proof by A.F.K.T. Theorem: “Any Fool Knows That!”
Proof by Divine Intervention: “Then a miracle occurs …”

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written by SplineGuy