Natural Blogarithms

So, in any other day and age the following story would vanish into obscurity, yet now, I feel compelled to document my complete descent into that professor I never wanted to be. You know the one, the one that is apparently focused on some deep problem, like the convergence rate for a three field finite element method or the derivation of a pseudo-rotation matrix that satisfies the Eckart conditions in a roto-vibrational molecular model, and so much so that he can’t keep track of his keys or his car or a simple little receipt he needs for reimbursement. Its this stupid little piece of paper that vexed me yesterday.

I am at Sam’s buying the vasts amounts of supplies our division needs to host a cookout for all our majors and minors and their families. We’re splitting the cost among the budgets of each division so I need to keep the receipt. After the purchase is made, I “carefully” place the receipt in my wallet. Oh and by the way, I also forgot to use the taxfree ID so I am going to have to pay the sales out of pocket (no reimbursement for sales tax). Now, if you been to Sam’s you know that you must also show your receipt at the door so I remove the receipt, show it, then “carefully” replace the receipt in my wallet. On the way home, I have a craving for Gardetto’s so I stop to buy a bag. I pull out my wallet, pay the lady and I am on my way.

It is at about the 35th mile marker on I27, I realize that I completely forgot to have the sales tax waived, so I pull out my wallet to check for how much tax I was in for. What the! Where’d it go? By the time I arrived at home I am in a panic. I just spent a pretty penny and I am not going to be reimbursed. I cleaned out the car from top to bottom (no small task considering how much stuff I had just purchased). Okay, I settle down and realize I can try calling Sam’s. They say they’ll print me a new one and I can pick it up anytime. I fill in my lovely wife on this set of details and we realize that it will be a while before we have a chance to go to Lubbock again. So we pack up and go right down to Lubbock. (Man, I love these gas prices.)

We pick up the receipt and it’s dinner time. Off to IHOP we go. For no particular reason I pull out this reprinted receipt to look it over. It’s not until we are driving back home that I realized it stayed on the table. ARGHH!! Sam’s is closed, so the only option is to head back to IHOP. Our very kind and patient waiter helps me find it in the garbage, still mostly intact but I am definitely going to make a copy and throw away this one. Once in the van, I “carefully” stick the receipt in the pocket of the door and close the door. You’ll never guess what happened next. We arrive back at the house a good 45 minutes later and check the door. ARGHHH! Now, this one perplexes me the most. We clean the van from top to bottom and look everywhere. Lori even watched me put it in the door. The ONLY thing that could have happened was that it blew out as I close the door.

I am that absent minded professor except I had no deep problems to solve so the only possible explanation is that I have no idea what it means to put anything anywhere, “CAREFULLY”.

Anywho, Sam’s faxed me the receipt this morning (yeah, I wish I thought of that last night). It is taped to my wall at work. Tomorrow, I will make 400 copies and stick them in every nook and cranny I can find.

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